Burned Out.

Working 48 hours or more every week is exhausting.

Less time for social life.
Far from family.
Always busy.
Stressed.
Depressed.
Hungry.
Tired.

And then life repeats itself again the next day.

A few minutes ago, I found myself praying:

“Lord, kailan Niyo po ako bibigyan ng maraming pera?”

Then afterwards…

“Lord, bakit ang dami po?”
(referring to delivery receipts at work) 😅

Funny how we ask for blessings, but sometimes forget the responsibilities that come with them.

There are days when I keep asking:

“Why me?”
“Why can’t things be easier?”
“Why do I always feel tired doing this?”
“Why am I not happy at all?”

Sometimes it feels like I’m just surviving instead of actually living.

If only I were rich, I’d probably take my family somewhere far away.
No stress. No deadlines. No worries.

Just rest.
Peace.
And time together.

Because honestly, after working too much for too long, you start realizing that what you really want is not luxury — it’s peace of mind.

Civil Service Exam — First Take, Negative.

I decided to take the Civil Service Exam because I had a dream.

My dream was to work at the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas someday. And before that, I wanted to study for my master’s degree at University of the Philippines Diliman.

My plan was simple:

Pass the Civil Service Exam → enroll at UP Diliman → apply at BSP.

Everything seemed clear in my mind.

Then came December 7, 2012 — the release of results.

I checked the list.

My name wasn’t there.

That moment broke me.

Not only because my plans suddenly felt distant, but because I was also afraid of what my parents would say. I was already expecting disappointment, comparisons, and questions about why others passed while I didn’t.

I kept asking myself:

“How come?”
“Maybe it’s not meant for me?”
“Or maybe I just need to try again?”
“What should I do now?”

Sometimes failure hits harder when you already imagined your future so clearly.

But maybe one failed exam doesn’t define everything.

Maybe dreams don’t end after one “negative” result. Maybe they just take a different route — or require more courage than we expected.

Right now, I honestly don’t know the answer yet.

But maybe trying again is already an answer.