Para sa mga hindi pinipili

Sawang-sawa ka na bang mag-isa?

Yung sobrang lungkot kasi wala kang karamay.
Yung paulit-ulit mong tinatanong kung anong mali sayo at bakit hindi ka naging sapat.

O minsan iniisip mo rin:

“Ano bang meron sa kanya na wala sakin?”
“Bakit hindi pwedeng maging kami?”

Ang hirap no?

Kasi minsan kahit gaano ka kapasalamat na nakilala mo siya at dumating siya sa buhay mo — dahil naging sobrang saya mo, dahil may mga bagay kang unang beses mong ginawa na siya yung kasama — darating pa rin yung point na kapag sobrang sakit na, maiisip mo:

“Sana hindi ko na lang siya nakilala.”
“Sana hindi na lang siya dumating.”

Kahit gaano ka kasaya noon, minsan natatabunan yun ng sakit at galit.

Lalo na kapag masyado mo siyang pinahalagahan.
Kapag nagplano ka hindi lang para sa kanya, kundi para sainyong dalawa.

Naglaan ka ng oras.
Naglaan ka ng panahon.
Kasi umasa kang baka mabigyan ka ng pagkakataon.

At minsan, matatawa ka na lang sa sarili mo.

Dahil naging tanga ka.
Naging desperado ka.

Hindi dahil mahina ka — kundi dahil totoo yung naramdaman mo.

Ginusto mo siyang suportahan.
Ginusto mong manatili siya sa buhay mo.

Kahit ikaw yung unti-unting nauubos.

Gusto lang ba talaga kita?

Ang daling maging marupok kapag single.

Makakita lang ng gwapo… crush na.
Pinakitaan ng mabuti… crush na.
Pinahalagahan… crush na.

Pero bakit ako nahulog?

Hindi ka naman naging crush lang.

Kasi nagustuhan na talaga kita.

Unti-unti kitang nakilala, at habang tumatagal, parang ikaw ay ako rin.

Hindi man laging pinipili, pero marunong mag-effort.
At somehow, gumagaan yung loob ko kapag kasama ka.

Siguro kaya gusto na kitang piliin.

Sa bawat walwal, sumasama ako dahil andun ka.
Gumagawa ako ng paraan para makasama ka.

Kahit na feeling ko… tropa lang din tingin mo sakin.

Minsan gusto ko nang umamin sayo —
parang mga babae sa Korean drama na nagbabakasakaling may pag-asa.

Kahit ramdam kong wala naman talaga.

Siguro ramdam mo rin na may gusto ako sayo.
O baka sinabi na rin ng mga tropa natin.

Kasi minsan parang ayaw mo nang makipag-usap.
Minsan ikaw na mismo yung lumalayo.

Andun na lahat ng signs.
Ayoko lang talagang tanggapin.

Masakit lang kasi… umaasa pa rin ako.

Sinubukan naman kitang kalimutan.
Sinubukan kitang iwasan.
Sinubukan kong tanggapin na tropa lang talaga, walang malisya.

Pero bumabalik pa rin talaga.

Ano ba ‘to?
Adik na ba ako sayo?

Isang chat mo lang, napapangiti na ako.
Paano pa kaya yung video call o tawag?

Kahit minsan lang naman nangyari.

Matagal kitang hindi nakita.
Akala ko okay na ako.
Akala ko wala na yung feelings.

Pero dumampi lang kamay mo sakin… kinabahan na agad ako.

Piliting umiwas para hindi halata,
kahit ang totoo gusto ko talagang malapit sayo.

Kung pwede lang sana humanap agad ng pwedeng jowain, ginawa ko na.

Mauna na ako bago ikaw magkaroon ng iba.

Kasi nasasaktan ako kapag may kasama kang iba.
Nagseselos ako kapag mas kinakausap mo sila kahit nandito naman ako.

Ewan ko ba.

Gulong-gulo na rin ako.

Sana madali na lang din makahanap ng iba…

Para madali na rin kitang makalimutan.

Never Trust Too Easily

During the first week of April, I received a phone call from a customer service representative of AIG. He introduced a promo connected with SM Advantage. According to him, once I availed the insurance policy, I would receive 50 reward points and only pay Php15 per day.

At first, it sounded simple and affordable.

There was no personal interaction at all — just a phone call. But throughout the conversation, he kept repeating that everything was being recorded.

Honestly, he was really good at promoting the insurance.

The moment you say “YES,” you’re automatically insured.

He asked for my credit card details for the mode of payment, and without thinking too much, I gave them.

After the call ended, I immediately contacted BDO and SM Advantage to confirm if the promo was legitimate.

BDO had no idea about it.
SM Advantage, however, confirmed that it was valid.

---

By the second week, there was already a deduction on my credit card.

But as the days passed, I still hadn’t received any insurance policy.

No documents.
No policy details.
Nothing.

So I called the company to cancel it.

Instead of processing the cancellation immediately, they kept telling me to wait for the policy first so I could “fully understand” the coverage.

By the last week of April, I called again to request cancellation and reversal of payment.

The agent told me that she could cancel the policy, but they could no longer reverse the deduction already charged to my card.

She also offered to email me a scanned copy of the policy “within the week.”

And then she casually mentioned that the billing starts every 6th of the month.

That’s when I got really annoyed.

It had already been ONE MONTH and I still hadn’t received the actual policy.

So what if they sent it late?

That would mean another deduction would already happen before I even fully understood what I signed up for.

And what made me question everything even more was this:

If I stopped paying later on — or once I reached the age of 72, which was supposedly the last payment — I wouldn’t even be able to use it anymore.

So what was the point?

It felt useless.

They kept saying:

“You will be insured.”

But what kind of insurance is that if, after years of paying, you no longer get to benefit from it the way you expected?

---

That experience taught me three things:

Never trust too easily.
Never invest in something you don’t fully understand.
And most importantly — learn how to say NO.

March 6, 2013 — Polytechnic University of the Philippines Graduate School Entrance Exam2:00 PM. I filed a leave from work so I could finally review for the exam. But of course… things didn’t go as planned again. 😅 I caught a cold, and my headache got worse. So just like my previous exams, I ended up taking this one unprepared too. I arrived at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines Graduate School around 1:45 PM. I was rushing because I was scared of being late. From Pasong Tamo all the way to Pureza. When I entered the classroom, my first thought was: “Wow… this place feels so public school. Parang grade school lang.” 😂 Then I suddenly told myself: “When I pass and graduate from here, and once I become successful, I’ll donate chairs.” 😄 When the proctor arrived, the atmosphere surprisingly didn’t feel tense at all. He was funny and kept joking around outside the room. He said the exam would last for 1 hour and 30 minutes, and it was composed of: I. Analogy (20 items) II. Verbal Synonyms (10 items) Antonyms (10 items) Sentence Completion (10 items) III. Quantitative (15 items) IV. Reading Comprehension (6 items) What made me laugh a little was that my test booklet already had answers written in the Quantitative part — maybe around two or three items. But the Reading Comprehension section? Almost everything already had answers. 😂 As I kept checking my watch, I started to panic. I had colds. My head hurt. And honestly, I couldn’t even fully understand what I was reading anymore. That’s when I decided to copy some of the answers written in the booklet. 😭 But the moment I finally decided to stop and actually understand what I was reading… BOOM. The proctor walked in. Time’s up. 😂 He said the results would be released on March 20, 2013, Saturday afternoon. But wait… March 20 was a Wednesday. 😭 I honestly don’t know anymore. Haha. Anyway, he said they wanted to finish checking all the exams first so they could release everything at once on their website. After hearing that, I suddenly realized: “Maybe that’s also why the UP results still aren’t out yet.” Alright. “Lord, bahala na po Kayo sakin.” “Sorry… and thank You.” 🙏

2:00 PM.

I filed a leave from work so I could finally review for the exam.

But of course… things didn’t go as planned again. 😅

I caught a cold, and my headache got worse. So just like my previous exams, I ended up taking this one unprepared too.

I arrived at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines Graduate School around 1:45 PM. I was rushing because I was scared of being late.

From Pasong Tamo all the way to Pureza.

---

When I entered the classroom, my first thought was:

“Wow… this place feels so public school. Parang grade school lang.” 😂

Then I suddenly told myself:

“When I pass and graduate from here, and once I become successful, I’ll donate chairs.” 😄

---

When the proctor arrived, the atmosphere surprisingly didn’t feel tense at all. He was funny and kept joking around outside the room.

He said the exam would last for 1 hour and 30 minutes, and it was composed of:

I. Analogy (20 items)

II. Verbal

• Synonyms (10 items)
• Antonyms (10 items)
• Sentence Completion (10 items)

III. Quantitative (15 items)

IV. Reading Comprehension (6 items)

---

What made me laugh a little was that my test booklet already had answers written in the Quantitative part — maybe around two or three items.

But the Reading Comprehension section?

Almost everything already had answers. 😂

---

As I kept checking my watch, I started to panic.

I had colds.
My head hurt.
And honestly, I couldn’t even fully understand what I was reading anymore.

That’s when I decided to copy some of the answers written in the booklet. 😭

But the moment I finally decided to stop and actually understand what I was reading…

BOOM.

The proctor walked in.

Time’s up. 😂

---

He said the results would be released on March 20, 2013, Saturday afternoon.

But wait…

March 20 was a Wednesday. 😭

I honestly don’t know anymore. Haha.

Anyway, he said they wanted to finish checking all the exams first so they could release everything at once on their website.

After hearing that, I suddenly realized:

“Maybe that’s also why the UP results still aren’t out yet.”

---

Alright.

“Lord, bahala na po Kayo sakin.”
“Sorry… and thank You.” 🙏

February 24, 2013 — Enchanted Kingdom

Meeting place: near the LRT Line 1 Gil Puyat Station at the JAC Liner terminal.

The fare and travel time were actually less than what we expected — only Php61, and I think the trip took around 45 to 50 minutes. Then we rode a tricycle from Waltermart to EK for Php7.

Since it was a Sunday, the place was pretty crowded.

I even brought food because based on my “research,” I thought the waiting time for rides would take around 2 hours. But sadly… they confiscated my Magic Chips, Rebisco, and Mister Chips. 😭

So sad. I should have hidden them better inside my bag. Tss.

---

When we entered, Ate Sheilla got a map from the Guest Relations office.

First Ride — Up, Up & Away

Honestly, it made me dizzy because it just kept spinning around, but it only lasted around 2 minutes so it was fine.

---

Rialto Theater

This ride brought back memories from Grade 4.

Back then, my classmates would always talk about it after our field trip, so I became curious about how it actually felt.

At that time, I didn’t really have anyone to ride with, so I think I only got to try around four rides or maybe less. I honestly can’t remember anymore. What I do remember was rushing back to the bus because I was scared of getting left behind. 😂

---

Flying Fiesta

This one was really fun. ❤️

I thought it would be scary, but it actually turned out to be very enjoyable.

---

Wheel of Fate

One of my favorite rides.

Although Ate Sheilla was scared of it. 😂

---

Roller Skater

Basically a mini Space Shuttle. 😂

---

Dodgem

Classic bump cars. Definitely one of the fun rides.

---

Mass at 3PM

Before continuing with the rides, we attended Mass first.

---

Lunch at the Bandstand

A simple lunch break before going back to the rides again.

---

Back to Roller Skater

Because apparently, one ride wasn’t enough. 😂

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Ekstreme Tower

Honestly, the scary part is while going up.

You keep looking down and thinking:

“This is REALLY high…”

But once it drops…

SUPER FAST. 😂

It honestly feels like your body and the seat are fighting each other from the force. 😭

After the ride, we surprisingly wanted to do it again because it was actually fun.

---

Jungle Log Jump

MAN. 😭

We thought it was just one short slide.

Turns out, it was way scarier than we expected. It even felt a little unsafe. One wrong move and it feels like you could fall off. 😂

---

Rio Grande — Our Last Ride

Seriously. 😂

I got SOAKED.

I tried avoiding the wet seats, but I ended up choosing the wrong spot anyway. And to make things worse, the boat wasn’t spinning evenly. Unfair. 😭

---

We actually wanted to ride Flying Fiesta again just so we could dry ourselves, but after changing clothes, the rides were already closed.

Too early, honestly. It was only 9PM. 😅

---

Rides We Didn’t Try

• Anchors Away
• Space Shuttle
• Disk-O-Magic
• Kiddie rides 😂

Honestly, I’m scared of Anchors Away because of that feeling where it seems like your heart is leaving your body. 😭

As for the other rides, Ate Sheilla didn’t want to try them either… and honestly, they looked terrifying too. 😂

February 3, 2013 — UP GPAT

7:30 AM call time.
The exam was supposed to start at 8:00, but the proctor started everything at 7:50.

Unexpectedly, one of my classmates from college was also taking the University of the Philippines Graduate Placement Admission Test.
And yes — we ended up in the same room.

Exam Proper

90 minutes – Logical Reasoning
10 minutes – Break
90 minutes – Quantitative
10 minutes – Break
15 minutes – Article A
15 minutes – Article B
10 minutes – Article C
20 minutes – Article D

And to make things even more stressful:

1/4 point deduction for every wrong answer.

Pressure level: maximum. 😅

---

Logical Reasoning

Oh God. 😂

Just as expected, my English skills were okay… but Logic? Weak. Very weak.

---

Quantitative

Formulas everywhere.

So what happened to everything I studied back in school?

Gone. Forgotten. Vanished. 😭

---

Reading Comprehension

At first, I thought we could still go back to the previous articles after answering.
Turns out, I was wrong.

Once you move to the next article, there’s no going back anymore. One article at a time only.

And honestly, that made me panic a little.

---

Deep inside, I knew that only a miracle could make me pass this exam.

But at least I tried.

I let my dream school slip away without even giving myself a proper review. Work kept me too busy, so I took the exam unprepared.

Still, a part of me badly wanted to get in.

Even if it was just a passing score.
Even if I had to go through interviews and more exams afterward.
I was willing.

But who knows?

Maybe there’s still a chance.

“God, let it be. Let my dream become Your priority.”

(Selfish, I know. But once I get there, I promise I won’t be lazy anymore.)

For now, I’ll choose hope instead of expectations.

Although honestly… what’s really the difference between the two?

And if I fail?

Then I’ll try again.
And again.
And again.

Burned Out.

Working 48 hours or more every week is exhausting.

Less time for social life.
Far from family.
Always busy.
Stressed.
Depressed.
Hungry.
Tired.

And then life repeats itself again the next day.

A few minutes ago, I found myself praying:

“Lord, kailan Niyo po ako bibigyan ng maraming pera?”

Then afterwards…

“Lord, bakit ang dami po?”
(referring to delivery receipts at work) 😅

Funny how we ask for blessings, but sometimes forget the responsibilities that come with them.

There are days when I keep asking:

“Why me?”
“Why can’t things be easier?”
“Why do I always feel tired doing this?”
“Why am I not happy at all?”

Sometimes it feels like I’m just surviving instead of actually living.

If only I were rich, I’d probably take my family somewhere far away.
No stress. No deadlines. No worries.

Just rest.
Peace.
And time together.

Because honestly, after working too much for too long, you start realizing that what you really want is not luxury — it’s peace of mind.